Cologero got word from his doctor this week that he is working too hard, adversely affecting his health. He needs some “alone” time and I believe he is considering a private retreat; when or for how long, he didn’t say. He did leave me a few posts for the coming week and asked me, an old friend, to write something about relationships from a “traditional point of view”.

I confess I do not know what that means and I can’t say I understand Gornahoor very well, nor its purpose. When I read the comments, I’m amazed that you guys seem to be carrying on a mutually comprehensible conversation. So first, I will pass on some of my own background. I was born to a family of Spanish notaries who emigrated to Cuba early in the 20^th century, and were eventually forced to Miami by Castro’s revolution. My mother died when I was four years old and I was raised by my aunts. My father, knowing no English, by sheer effort, got a nursing degree; not quite his life plan, but it provided a comfortable life for me.

I became a model. Although I never made the first rank, I was nevertheless successful enough to be able to travel extensively throughout Europe and South America. That, plus my involvement with the “South Beach lifestyle”, provided me with the equivalent of several lifetimes’ knowledge of men and human nature. I then got a degree in psychotherapy, specializing in family therapy, sexuality, addiction, and criminal behavior. So I do have some qualifications; perhaps our family’s admiration for Franco and a strict Catholic upbringing can qualify as “traditional”.

It may not be what you expect, and I say that because of a recent incident. In preparing for a public talk on achieving happiness, I began making a list: good health, loving family, and so on. Looking for more ideas, I asked Cologero in what he believed happiness consists. He simply answered: “End your thoughts.” I objected: “That is not possible. You mean, replace your sad thoughts with happy thoughts, don’t you?” He replied, “No, I mean end your thoughts altogether,” and he refused to elaborate.

Cologero wants me to include the following story by way of introduction. Although I don’t regard it as divine revelation, I think it is a defensible position.

Once upon a time, Zeus and Hera were debating whether men or women experienced more pleasure when making love. They decided to ask Tiresias, who had spent seven years as a woman and would be able to compare. Tiresias honestly told them that women’s experience is 9 times more pleasurable than a man’s. Given the source, Gornahoor regards this as divine revelation, hence not a matter for debate. In a fit of pique, Hera blinded Tiresias for revealing something so secret that it would affect the balance of the battle between the sexes. Read what follows at your own risk.

Cologero indicated I should focus on how “men of Tradition” can do better in meeting women, or more appropriately in my opinion, the right woman for him. If what Tiresias said is true, the desire for women to meet men certainly exists, and it is very strong. I looked at some web sites he suggested and see there is a lot of emphasis on picking up women on the street; “game”, I believe, is what they call it. I can assure you fellows that I have had plenty of experience being approached by men: at gas stations, supermarkets, bookstores (yes, I read books), beaches, bars, you name it. Always proud of my appearance, I would even feel slighted if no men noticed me. Yet, dear sirs, never was I “picked up” in that way.

I looked at some youtube videos with women allegedly picked up at random within minutes. I assure you that it has little to do with some esoteric skill, but more to do with the character of the woman. Obviously, I cannot deny that some men are more dashing than others and present some sort of temptation. But let me ask you, do you really want a woman who is so suggestible? Wouldn’t you be concerned that she would eventually give in to some other young man, even more dashing?

Of course, your ego would be stroked and you could boast to your friends, at least until they got weary of hearing of your conquests. And when they eventually do get girlfriends and wives, those women will make efforts to keep their man away from you!

Another misconception is the belief that women do not admire intelligence. That is quite false, at least for the type of women you would even want to meet. I often wish I had more intelligence. To my surprise, Cologero tells me it is not such a great gift, as it limits one’s circle of friends to the few capable of mutual understanding. He says it is a burden to learn to adapt to everyone else (it is a one way proposition). Also, few human tasks require so much intelligence and for what the “modern world” (his words) most admires, it can even be a hindrance.

I can’t see it that way, because isn’t a hallmark of intelligence the ability to adapt? To act appropriately in all situations? To handle novelty? To create? If that is true, then women are indeed attracted to intelligent men. The bad news, at least for some, is the second term: he must be intelligent, but above all, he must be a man. Get it? Intelligence is not enough, virility is still what counts; ignoring that is what makes the so-called “beta males” the also-rans in the “game”. I would expect an intelligent man to see that. Did I not say that adaptation is the sign of intelligence? Perhaps that is my prejudice as a therapist: I get people to see what is wrong with their lives and show them the way to change.

Now for a little secret that may raise your confidence. This comes from speaking with hundreds of women, both in my practice and privately. I know they are just dying to meet you, the intelligent man. Some hope so by random, but the interesting cases are more systematic. I will reveal this to you now, since the focus on Gornahoor is spirituality.

There are the New Age women who are doing visualizations daily, picturing the kind of man they are hoping to meet. The Christian women are praying for God to send a man into their lives. So when you appear in their lives, you are like a prayer come true. You just need to be like the man they are dreaming of.

Now that you know so many women are waiting for you, it seems that meeting a quality women should be as easy as shooting fish in a barrel. That would be true except for one condition: the fish get to choose who will do the shooting!